As a member of the Church of Satan’s Priesthood and host of Radio Free Satan’s Confessions of a Wicked Witch, I want to help people understand the difference between real Satanists (The Church of Satan) and fakes and phonies looking for media attention (Temples of Satan/Joy of Satan.)
Ten Ways the Public can Identify Fake Satanists who want to be on TV:
- 1. Fake Satanists are what real Satanists label “Shit-Disturbers.” Real Satanists are too busy living in the here and now and worshiping their own precious lives to bother Christians about such silliness as holiday decor.
- 2. Fake Satanists look for the scum of the Earth to build their ranks. Real Satanists wanting to be an Active Member of the Church of Satan must fill out a long questionnaire and pay a one time fee of $200.00
- 3. Fake Satanists quote The Satanic Bible and other works by Satanism founder Anton Szandor LaVey and then insult him and his memory by claiming they are the new or better way. Real Satanists study those works, apply them to their lives, and are grateful for the man who codified the first and only Satanic religion in the world.
- 4. Fake Satanists seek to destroy the United States Constitution and bring religion into the schools by disseminating false information about Satanism into the Public Schools. Real Satanists are good parents who don’t need the schools to do their job for them.
- 5. Fake Satanists actually call themselves heretics. Real Satanists know that to be a heretic one has to believe in and then subvert Christianity. Satanists do not.
- 6. Fake Satanists seek donations and pretend their religion is a job. Real Satanists believe in excelling in the real world with real creations and jobs. Real Satanists pay a one time membership fee and then buy and sell, working hard to get what they desire, and being the very best in whatever endeavor they choose.
- 7. Fake Satanists require a legal fund that they beg donations for—one must guess because they support/court/embrace lawbreakers. Real Satanists report law breaking members to the authorities and excommunicate them from the Church of Satan, without mercy.
- 8. Fake Satanists try to use Satanism to moderate and enter the realm of politics. Real Satanists are members of a church where political stances are strictly personal and the church itself has no stance.
- 9. Fake Satanists will ride the coattails of any group to get their name in the news. Real Satanists are saddened that the real news is the manipulation of some Christian Heretics which will do no good for Satanists but give those opposed to alternative religions even more fodder for hatred.’ Good job!
- 10. To be fair this real Satanist will point out that this rant is primarily about the “Temples of Satan” and as silly, misguided and manipulative they are they are nowhere near as bad as the Heretical (aka Satanaflipperoos) devil worshipers created in the Christian pews who actually believe in real devils and demons, believed the myths and now engage in blood rites, and support nothing except the opposite of Christianity—making them, no matter what the think, followers of God.